Category: Haste and leisure

“Blurtso joins DonkeyMatch.com”

Hey, what’s this? A dating site! Maybe I should fill out a profile.

Name: Blurtso
Age: I don’t know, I haven’t cut myself in half to count the rings
Height: 6.2 hands (24.8 inches), but I’m taller standing up
Weight: I don’t know, my scale broke when I stepped on it

Self summary:
I like myself, so if you’re anything like me, you’ll like me too.

What I’m doing with my life:
Filling out a questionnaire.

I’m really good at:
Filling out questionnaires.

The first thing that others notice about me:
That I stepped on their foot.

Favorite books: The Idiot’s Guide to Animal Husbandry

Favorite music: You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd (Roger Miller), Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for Seventy-Six Trombones

Favorite movies: Babbling Brook (ambient DVD), Ocean Waves (ambient DVD), Winter Snowfall (ambient DVD), Mister Ed

Favorite food: sustainably grown, organic, local, macrobiotic, paleolithic, ketogenic, activated-charcoal, Mediterranean, Adriatic, North-Atlantic, South-Atlantic, north-beach, south-beach, Laguna-Beach, free-range, super-detox, free-range, alfalfa-fed pumpkins

Things I can’t do without:
My hooves, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and sometimes my tail

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
What that smell is

On a typical Friday night I am:
Wondering what night of the week it is

The most private thing I’m willing to admit is:
that I’m very private

I’m looking for:

  • the wristwatch I lost
  • a calorie-free pumpkin pie
  • calorie-free whipped cream
  • a roadmap that can be folded
  • a restroom with stalls for donkeys
  • sunglasses that don’t pinch my ears

You should message me if:

  • you need an empty pie tin
  • you found my wristwatch
  • you lost your Wi-fi
  • you have a pumpkin pie
  • you think I’m funny

 

“Blurtso forgets his mittens”

Off I go! said Blurtso, streaking out the door. Places to go, things to do, I’d better pick up the pace, I’m late, late, late!

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Hey, why are my hoofs so cold? Oh no, I forgot my mittens! I guess it’s back I go. Up the walk, through the door, grab my mittens, go, go, go. Ahhhh, that’s better, said Blurtso. That’s more like it. Snug and soft, happy on the hoof. Now, what was I doing? Where was I rushing to?

“Blurtso and Harlan exchange gifts”

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Merry Christmas, said Blurtso.

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Merry Christmas, said Harlan.

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Wow, said Blurtso, a tin of chocolate!
Wow, said Harlan, a can of whipped cream!

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More whipped cream? said Harlan.
Don’t mind if I do, said Blurtso.