Harlan should be home soon. His last class ended thirty minutes ago. He’ll probably stop at the COOP for a cappuccino, then make his way up the street and across the bridge, and I won’t even hear him coming, until his trunk fumbles for the keys to the door.
Hmm, thought Blurtso, would you look at that…
One way to experience a moment completely,
is to try as hard as you can
to experience a moment completely,
until you completely experience
complete frustration.
If I can’t voluntarily stop myself
from acting voluntarily,
I’m not acting voluntarily.
Today is Valentine’s Day… I suppose a lot of couples are celebrating, and a lot of singles are not. Some have been reminded of how fortunate they are, and others how unfortunate. But most importantly of all, the stores have sold truckloads of candy.
Harlan? said Blurtso. Yes? said Harlan. Are you awake? Yes, said Harlan. What are you thinking about? said Blurtso. Differences, said Harlan. Differences? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, political, religious, and personal differences… like what one person thinks is fun and another does not, and what one thinks is proper and another does not, and what one thinks is necessary and another does not. Yes, said Blurtso, it’s amazing we ever get along. I suppose, said Harlan, that’s what love is for.
It’s a blustery, snow-swept day at Fenway… here’s the pitch, Jeter hits a scorcher to second… Dustin “Ditto” Pedroia glides into position… scoops… wheels… throws to first…
Our stickball team played for the championship last year, said Ditto. Really? said Virginia. Yes, said Ditto, I was the starting rightfielder. Did Dustin Pedroia ever play rightfield? said Virginia. He must have when he was young, said Ditto, everyone begins in rightfield. Really? said Virginia. I thought the rightfielder was the worst player on the team. No, no, no, said Ditto, I led the league in on-base percent. Really? said Virginia. What was your batting average? I didn’t get any hits, said Ditto, but I had 86 walks and one out. Like Eddie Gaedel, said Virginia. Eddie Gaedel? said Ditto. Yes, said Virginia, the shortest man to ever play in the majors. He was three feet seven inches tall, came to bat once in 1951, and walked on four pitches. His lifetime on-base percentage is 1.000. Really? said Ditto. Three feet seven is the shortest ever? I think so, said Virginia. Hmm, said Ditto, I wonder if Dustin Pedroia lies about his height?
Baseball? said Virginia. Yes, said Ditto, the Red Sox begin spring training in three weeks. I love the Red Sox! said Virginia. Who’s your favorite player? said Ditto. My favorite player, said Virginia, is Dustin Pedroia.
Your assignment, said the teacher, is to draw an apple.
Excellent, Virginia!
No, no, no big-nose! I said an apple! Just an apple!