The cars are actually trying to drive in this snow. They’ve got their lights on and their wiper-blades slapping. It’s eerie to drive in snow like this. Especially if your radio is broken and all you can hear is the thump of the blades. I wonder if it’s snowing this hard on campus? I wonder if the students are looking out the windows? A good snowfall can really put things in perspective.
Hello, said Blurtso. Hello, said the counselor, have you decided on a major? No, said Blurtso. Well, said the counselor, maybe I can help. What do you like? I like everything, said Blurtso. Everything? said the counselor. You can’t major in everything. Why not? said Blurtso. Because you have to specialize. Why? said Blurtso. So you can graduate. Why do I have to graduate? So you can get a job. A job? said Blurtso. Yes, said the counselor, in your specialization. Hmm, said Blurtso. Can I avoid all that… if I major in logic?
It’s a new year… I guess I’d better make a resolution. Let’s see… “this year I resolve to…” hmm… “I resolve…” hmm… what does that mean…? To be “resolved,” to be “determined,” to be “unyielding in one’s purpose,” to be “intransigent,” “inveterate,” “obdurate,” and “inflexible.” Hmm, I don’t really like that. I think being flexible is the key to happiness. Of course, flexibility implies rigidity, that is, something to be “flexible” about. Hmm… what I need is a resolution that is both rigid and flexible… I know!… “This year I resolve… to be less resolved.”
It’s unsettling to get up before dawn, when it’s still dark and the barn and the yard and the neighborhood are quiet. It’s like I’m the only living thing on the planet. It’s hard to believe others are waking to the same darkness, seeking refuge in artificial light, bathing and dressing… getting ready for the day they trust will arrive.
Welcome to tonight’s discussion sponsored by “The Campus Institute of Political Seriousness for Enhanced Living in an Unenhanced World.” I’m your host, Jonathan Wellborn Truington III, and joining us this evening is Mr. Blurtso Lundif, a third-year diversity fellow at Harvard College, who has garnered attention in Cambridge as, “the donkey who stands in the snow.” Please tell us, Mr. Lundif, if you would, what is your opinion of the current political climate in our nation’s capital? The political climate? said Blurtso. Yes, said Mr. Truington. I don’t know anything about it, said Blurtso. Do you think, said Mr. Truington, that the politicians should all go stand in the snow? It couldn’t hurt, said Blurtso. And what have you accomplished, said Mr. Truington, by standing in the snow? Accomplished? said Blurtso. Yes, said Mr. Truington, what have you learned? I’ve learned to stand still, said Blurtso. To stand still? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso. Anything else? said Mr. Truington. Isn’t that enough? said Blurtso. Well, said Mr. Truington, I suppose it is… and where exactly do you stand? Anywhere, said Blurtso. Anywhere? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso, anywhere that’s snowy and cold. Is there something, said Mr. Truington, that inspires you to do it? Yes, said Blurtso, it’s compelling to stand in a public place that is empty… and where, if someone does appear, they move so quickly they may as well not be there. I see! said Mr. Truington, standing in the snow is an indictment of the modern world and its frenetic pace! Is it? said Blurtso. Does it bother you, said Mr. Truington, if others stand in the snow next to you? No, said Blurtso, as long as they don’t ask questions. Questions? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso, about why I’m standing in the snow. Of course, said Mr. Truington, and apart from your scathing attack on people in a hurry, what other statements are you trying to make? Are you attempting to draw attention to a charitable cause? Are you trying to see how long you can stand before collapsing? No, said Blurtso, I go home whenever I want. And how do you know, said Mr. Truington, that it’s time to go home? As soon as I start walking, said Blurtso, I know it’s time to go. Remarkable, said Mr. Truington. Well, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, neither ice, nor sleet, nor snow will stop this remarkable coed from making his stand. Please join us next week when our featured speaker will be Somerville’s own self-deprecating playwright and hairbrush salesman, Reverend Willy J. Loman.
What have you been doing lately? said Alex. I’ve been standing in the snow, said Blurtso. Standing in the snow? said Alex. Yes, said Blurtso, standing in the snow.
Hmmm…
Hmmm…
Do you think my ears are too big? said Blurtso. Too big for what? said Alex. You know, said Blurtso, too big, too big for the ideal shape of a donkey. I’m not sure, said Alex, what’s the ideal shape of a donkey? You know, said Blurtso, the shape you always see in the magazines, on the billboards, and in the beer commercials. Beer commercials? said Alex. Are those donkeys ideal donkeys? They must be, said Blurtso, or the advertisers wouldn’t use them. How do you know the advertisers aren’t using grotesque donkeys to get our attention? Grotesque donkeys? said Blurtso. I never thought of that… but if those shapes aren’t ideal, then what is? I don’t know, said Alex, maybe your shape is ideal. My shape? said Blurtso. Sure, said Alex, why not? Well, said Blurtso, it is a fine shape, and it has served me well… I guess it must be very sad… to be a grotesque, small-eared donkey, paraded around so the world can see.
Oh, oh, said Blurtso, do you see that? Yes, said Harlan. What are we going to do? said Blurtso. I don’t mind a single ant, said Harlan, but when you’re surrounded by hundreds or thousands, they become unpleasant. Do you think he’ll tell his friends about the loft? said Blurtso. I don’t know, said Harlan. Maybe he’s a hermit ant, said Blurtso. A hermit ant? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, an ant who rejects the frenetic pace of contemporary ant traditions and ant society, and goes off on his own to contemplate nature and his relationship to the cosmos. Or maybe, said Harlan, he’s a scout ant.