Category: Haste and leisure

August 27, 2016

“Blurtso takes to math like whipped cream to pumpkin pie”

O.k., said the professor, let’s try number three. Two trucks, each filled with pumpkin pies, are going to the Whipped Cream Factory. The first truck leaves fifteen minutes before the second truck and drives at a speed of forty-five miles per hour. The second truck drives at fifty-five miles per hour. There is a donkey in the back of each truck. The donkey in the first truck can eat seventeen pumpkin pies in an hour, and the donkey in the second truck can eat twenty-one pies in an hour…

There are three bridges, the first at five miles, the second at ten, and the third at fifteen. Both trucks can travel only twenty miles per hour on the bridges. Each bridge is a quarter mile long. O.k., the question is… at the moment when the second truck overtakes the first, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Who would like to give this a shot?… How about you in the front row, the one with the boxing-glove nose… Me? said Blurtso. Yes, said the professor, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Neither, said Blurtso. Neither? said the professor. They will have both eaten the same. The same? said the professor. Yes, said Blurtso, each donkey will have eaten as much pumpkin pie as he could.

August 25, 2016

“Blurtso considers the advantages of intelligence”

My goodness there are a lot of intelligent people at Harvard!
I wonder what it would be like to be intelligent?
I wonder if pumpkin pie tastes even better?

August 23, 2016

“Blurtso considers where he’s standing”

I suppose I am a temporary thing, thought Blurtso. The day will come when I am gone and forgotten. As if I never existed. As before I existed. In the meanwhile I’m here, standing between two oblivions, pausing to enjoy a snack, and sending a mouthful of grass… to its next oblivion.

August 17, 2016

“Weohryant University” (II)

What do you think, said Harlan, of the logo for our university?

Weohryant? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, pronounced “we-orient.” What does it mean? said Blurtso. It’s a word, said Harlan, made up of all the different letters in the question words “what, where, who, how, when, why”, and it’s also a combination of “we” (short for “west”) and “ohryant” (orient or “east”). And, said Blurtso, it combines U (you) and WE, which gives our university an inclusive feel. Exactly, said Harlan. What, said Blurtso, is that Roman numeral. That, said Harlan, can either be read as 967 (1000 – 33) or 33,000. Which is it? said Blurtso. It really doesn’t matter, said Harlan, as long as it expresses a sense of tradition and substance, but 33,000 B.C. is an approximate date for the beginning of written language on earth. I like it, said Blurtso, and the donkey looks attentive and energetic, while the elephant looks very professorial.

Get your official Weohryant sweatshirt at blurtsobarn

August 13, 2016

“Blurtso considers enlightenment”

Enlightenment is the ability to be what you already are.

August 11, 2016

“Blurtso and Harlan consider manipulation”

Do you ever get the feeling, said Blurtso, you’re being constantly manipulated? By the advertisers? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, by the newspapers, and billboards, and radio, and television, and Internet, and loudspeakers at ball games. And signs, said Harlan, painted on city buses? Yes, said Blurtso, everywhere I turn someone is telling me what to want and what to think. And people are inviting the advertisers, said Harlan, to live in their pocket. In their pocket? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, the iPhone6 will be available soon.

August 10, 2016

“Blurtso, Alex and Harlan look at the clouds” (III)

It’s the Venus de Milo, said Alex.
It’s a toaster oven, said Blurtso.
It’s an elephant, said Harlan.

August 9, 2016

“Blurtso, Alex, and Harlan look at the clouds” (II)

It’s Aristotle lecturing in the Lyceum, said Alex.
It’s a dog watering a tree, said Blurtso.
It’s an elephant, said Harlan.

August 7, 2016

“Blurtso crosses a field”

What a lovely day, thought Blurtso, skipping across the field. Excuse me, said a voice, but you’ll have to carry a load if you want to continue. As you wish, said Blurtso, bending to accept his load and walking across the field. I’m sorry, said the voice, but you’ll have to carry another. And so I shall, said Blurtso, crouching to accept his load and trudging across the field. And another, said the voice. If I must, said Blurtso, kneeling to accept his load and crawling across the field. And another, said the voice. Whew! thought Blurtso, when he could no longer see the day or the field or himself. I hope it is all still waiting there, when I emerge from this burden that has become myself.

August 6, 2016

“Blurtso counts to three”

O.k., said Blurtso, on three. One, two, three… go!
And off they went as fast as they could.

What do you know, thought Blurtso, Pavlov was right.