It’s unsettling to get up before dawn, when it’s still dark and the barn and the yard and the neighborhood are quiet. It’s like I’m the only living thing on the planet. It’s hard to believe others are waking to the same darkness, seeking refuge in artificial light, bathing and dressing… getting ready for the day they trust will arrive.
Hey… footsteps in the snow. I wonder where they’re going? Maybe I’ll follow them. Doo dee doo dee dee, dee dee dee dee doo… hey, what’s this? No more footsteps. I wonder what happened to the person who was making them? How can a person just vanish like that, and make no more tracks? Hmmm, maybe I’d better go see Harlan, and make sure he’s alright.
Welcome to tonight’s discussion sponsored by “The Campus Institute of Political Seriousness for Enhanced Living in an Unenhanced World.” I’m your host, Jonathan Wellborn Truington III, and joining us this evening is Mr. Blurtso Lundif, a third-year diversity fellow at Harvard College, who has garnered attention in Cambridge as, “the donkey who stands in the snow.” Please tell us, Mr. Lundif, if you would, what is your opinion of the current political climate in our nation’s capital? The political climate? said Blurtso. Yes, said Mr. Truington. I don’t know anything about it, said Blurtso. Do you think, said Mr. Truington, that the politicians should all go stand in the snow? It couldn’t hurt, said Blurtso. And what have you accomplished, said Mr. Truington, by standing in the snow? Accomplished? said Blurtso. Yes, said Mr. Truington, what have you learned? I’ve learned to stand still, said Blurtso. To stand still? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso. Anything else? said Mr. Truington. Isn’t that enough? said Blurtso. Well, said Mr. Truington, I suppose it is… and where exactly do you stand? Anywhere, said Blurtso. Anywhere? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso, anywhere that’s snowy and cold. Is there something, said Mr. Truington, that inspires you to do it? Yes, said Blurtso, it’s compelling to stand in a public place that is empty… and where, if someone does appear, they move so quickly they may as well not be there. I see! said Mr. Truington, standing in the snow is an indictment of the modern world and its frenetic pace! Is it? said Blurtso. Does it bother you, said Mr. Truington, if others stand in the snow next to you? No, said Blurtso, as long as they don’t ask questions. Questions? said Mr. Truington. Yes, said Blurtso, about why I’m standing in the snow. Of course, said Mr. Truington, and apart from your scathing attack on people in a hurry, what other statements are you trying to make? Are you attempting to draw attention to a charitable cause? Are you trying to see how long you can stand before collapsing? No, said Blurtso, I go home whenever I want. And how do you know, said Mr. Truington, that it’s time to go home? As soon as I start walking, said Blurtso, I know it’s time to go. Remarkable, said Mr. Truington. Well, ladies and gentlemen, there you have it, neither ice, nor sleet, nor snow will stop this remarkable coed from making his stand. Please join us next week when our featured speaker will be Somerville’s own self-deprecating playwright and hairbrush salesman, Reverend Willy J. Loman.
What have you been doing lately? said Alex. I’ve been standing in the snow, said Blurtso. Standing in the snow? said Alex. Yes, said Blurtso, standing in the snow.
Hmmm…
Hmmm…
Hmmm…
At midnight on the last night of reading period and before final exams begin, students streak through the Old Yard at Harvard. The University Band plays beforehand to excite the crowd…
…and sometimes the band joins in.
It’s nice to be home, said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, it is. It’s nice to see our hay again, said Blurtso, and pie tins, and cocoa powder, and Blurtsobarn coffee mugs. Yes, said Harlan. And my painting easel and brushes, said Blurtso, and Patrick O’Brian novels, and “Mister Ed” dvds, and Tony Robbins tapes, and patchwork blanket, and phonograph player and 1970’s LPs, and Cutco knife set, and autographed copy of Leaves of Grass, and French door windows, and step ladder to the loft. We’ve only been gone three days! said Harlan. I know, said Blurtso, but it seems like years.
I guess, said Blurtso, he wasn’t a hermit ant.
I miss our barn, said Blurtso. So do I, said Harlan. It’s very unsettling, said Blurtso, when someone invades your home. Yes, said Harlan, you feel violated. What if they don’t leave? said Blurtso. We’ll make them leave, said Harlan. How? said Blurtso. If we turn off the solar heater and open the doors, said Harlan, they’ll get cold and go back to their underground nest. That’s a great idea, said Blurtso. But we’ll have to spend a few days in the house, said Harlan, until we’re sure they’re gone.