Honk!… Honk!… Honk!…
Get off the f!@#%!g road you stupid donkey!
Hmmm, thought Blurtso, that person is sure in a hurry.
He must be out of pumpkin pie.
It’s a new year… I guess I’d better make a resolution. Let’s see… “this year I resolve to…” hmm… “I resolve…” hmm… what does that mean…? To be “resolved,” to be “determined,” to be “unyielding in one’s purpose,” to be “intransigent,” “inveterate,” “obdurate,” and “inflexible.” Hmm, I don’t really like that. I think being flexible is the key to happiness. Of course, flexibility implies rigidity, that is, something to be “flexible” about. Hmm… what I need is a resolution that is both rigid and flexible… I know!… “This year I resolve… to be less resolved.”
I think I will be lazy today, thought Blurtso, as he rose from a night of sound and restful sleep. Yes, that’s it. Today is a good day to be lazy. The sun was shining and the morning was cool and the grass was covered with dew. But how does one go about it, how does one go about being lazy? Let me see, he thought, what does a lazy person do? Most lazy people don’t move around a lot, so maybe if I don’t move around a lot I will be lazy. Blurtso stood in the grass with the dew on his hooves and didn’t move around a lot, and then he didn’t move around a lot some more, but after a while he felt he wasn’t being lazy, he just felt he wasn’t moving around a lot. Lazy people also seem to breathe slowly, he thought, so he began to breathe slowly, then he breathed slowly some more. Hmm, thought Blurtso, that still doesn’t feel like what I think being lazy is supposed to feel like. Lazy people also don’t do jobs that they’re supposed to do, so maybe I could invent a job I am supposed to do and then not do it. So Blurtso invented a job and then he didn’t do it, but he still didn’t feel lazy. In fact, after several more attempts Blurtso began to feel that this morning was turning into one of the busiest mornings of his life. What could the solution be, he thought. There must be some trick right in front of my nose. Blurtso thought and thought and thought, and then he thought and thought some more, but he couldn’t find the answer. I give up, he said with a snort, I don’t care if I ever learn to be lazy, and then he lay down in the grass and drifted off to sleep.