Tag: humor

“Blurtso takes to math like whipped cream to pumpkin pie”

O.k., said the professor, let’s try number three. Two trucks, each filled with pumpkin pies, are going to the Whipped Cream Factory. The first truck leaves fifteen minutes before the second truck and drives at a speed of forty-five miles per hour. The second truck drives at fifty-five miles per hour. There is a donkey in the back of each truck. The donkey in the first truck can eat seventeen pumpkin pies in an hour, and the donkey in the second truck can eat twenty-one pies in an hour…

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There are three bridges, the first at five miles, the second at ten, and the third at fifteen. Both trucks can travel only twenty miles per hour on the bridges. Each bridge is a quarter mile long. O.k., the question is… at the moment when the second truck overtakes the first, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Who would like to give this a shot?… How about you in the front row, the one with the boxing-glove nose… Me? said Blurtso. Yes, said the professor, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Neither, said Blurtso. Neither? said the professor. They will have both eaten the same. The same? said the professor. Yes, said Blurtso, each donkey will have eaten as much pumpkin pie as he could.

“Blurtso considers where he’s standing”

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I suppose I am a temporary thing, thought Blurtso. The day will come when I am gone and forgotten. As if I never existed. As before I existed. In the meanwhile I’m here, standing between two oblivions, pausing to enjoy a snack, and sending a mouthful of grass… to its next oblivion.

“Weohryant University” (V)

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What’s that? said Alex. It’s a reading list Bonny prepared for Harlan and my university. What’s on it? said Alex. Lots of things I’ve never heard of, said Blurtso. Read it to me, said Alex. It’s very long, said Blurtso. That’s all right, said Alex. O.k., said Blurtso, it says:

First Year – Fall Semester:
The Upanishads, The Bhagavad Gita, The Ramayana, The Mahabharata, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Bible, The Tao Te Ching, The Writings of Confucius, The Emerald Tablet, The Quran

First Year – Spring Semester:
The Odyssey, “Oedipus Rex,” “Iphigenia at Aulis,” Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton, Early Greek Philosophy, The Metamorphoses of Ovid, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, 1001 Nights

Second Year – Fall Semester:
The Poetry of Yongshu, The Poetry of Du Fu, The Poetry of Li Qingzhao, The Divine Comedy, The Decameron, The Poetry of Petrarch, Machiavelli’s The Prince, Njal’s Saga, The Canterbury Tales, The Masnavi of Rumi

Second Year – Spring Semester:
“King Lear,” “Hamlet,” “Macbeth,” “Romeo and Juliet,” The Poetry of Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz, Don Quixote, Tartuffe, Gardner’s Art Through the Ages, The Biography of Benjamin Franklin, The Farmer’s Almanac, Jean Jacques Rousseau’s Discourse on the Origin of Inequality

Third Year – Fall Semester:
Selected Poems of Wordsworth, Shelley and Keats, Vanity Fair, Pride and Prejudice, The Poetry and Prose of Edgar Allan Poe, Les Fleurs du Mal, The Origin of Species, Crime and Punishment, Notes from the Underground, Huckleberry Finn, Leaves of Grass, Goethe’s Faust

Third Year – Spring Semester:
Les Misérables, Moby Dick, Walden, The Doll’s House, The Poetry and Prose of José Martí, Selected Poems of Rubén Darío, Selected Poetry of William Butler Yeats, Poemas Humanos of César Vallejo, The Poems of T.S. Elliot, “The Penal Colony” by Franz Kafka

Fourth Year – Fall Semester:
Einstein’s Universe by Nigel Calder, Mein Kampf, The Stories of Jorge Luis Borges, The Heart of Darkness, Waiting for Godot, No Exit, 1984, Animal Farm, Selected Poems of Pablo Neruda, Man, Woman, and Nature by Alan Watts

Fourth Year – Spring Semester:
The Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast, Giovanni’s Room, Slaughterhouse Five, The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Things Fall Apart, The Adventures of Captain Harvey, Blurtseau Lundif – Corsaire Extraordinaire, The Poems of Blurtso Lundif.

That’s a good list, said Alex, but I would add one more. What’s that? said Blurtso. The Baseball Encyclopedia, said Alex.

“Weohryant University” (III)

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What about the curriculum? said Blurtso. I think we should offer one class per year in each of the six subjects. I agree, said Blurtso, in the fall we can offer What-101, Where-101, and Who-101, and in the spring we can offer How-101, When-101, and Why-101. How many classes do you want to teach? said Harlan. One per semester, said Blurtso. Me too, said Harlan. Maybe we could get Pablo to teach a class, said Blurtso. That would be perfect, said Harlan. Great, said Blurtso, I’ll see if he’s interested.

“Weohryant University” (I)

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The house is very empty since I moved into the barn, said Blurtso. Why did you move? said Harlan. It was cozier, said Blurtso. Classes start next week, said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, it’s too bad Harvard isn’t more like this. Like this? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, just sitting around talking. It’s sort like that, said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, but I’d prefer something less rigid, with smaller classes. How much smaller? I don’t know, said Blurtso, maybe five or six students, just sitting around talking, maybe answering some questions. What kind of questions? said Harlan. Any kind, said Blurtso. How about yes/no questions? said Harlan. No, said Blurtso, those are too limiting. How about the 5 w’s and 1 h questions? said Harlan. What? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, “what” is the first of the w questions. It is? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, the 5 w’s are “what, who, when, where, why,” and the h question is “how.” Why, said Blurtso, don’t they call them the 6 w&h questions? That’s a good question, said Harlan. See what I mean, said Blurtso, why can’t there be a university where students just sit around talking like we are? I suppose there can, said Harlan. How? said Blurtso. We could start one ourselves, said Harlan. A university? said Blurtso. Sure, said Harlan. Where? said Blurtso. Anywhere, said Harlan, here in the house, or in the barn, or in the park. Who would teach the classes? said Blurtso. We would, said Harlan. I like it! said Blurtso. When can we start? We can start right now, said Harlan. Let’s do it! said Blurtso.