Hmmm…
Tag: humor
“Blurtso stands in the snow” (I)
Hmmm…
“Blurtso feels good about his art exam”
Final Exam – Art 101
Name: Blurtso
1.) Name three characteristics of ancient Greek and Roman sculpture:
Large noses, round bellies, and foreshortening of the limbs.
2.) Discuss the difference between Medieval and Renaissance art:
During the Renaissance donkeys rose to a new level of importance. There were praying donkeys in the cathedrals, reclining donkeys in the fountains, and braying donkeys in the streets. The greatest example of donkeycentrism is Michelangelo’s “The Blurtso.” Michelangelo also painted the Sistine Corral.
3.) What innovation was shared by both Impressionist and Expressionist
painters, and how was it used differently by the two groups?
Pumpkin pie. The Expressionists painted their canvases before eating pumpkin pie, and the Impressionists painted their canvases after.
4.) What is Cubism?
Cubism was a style of painting developed by Georges Braque and Pablo Picasso which portrayed objects as seen from all perspectives at once. Sort of like standing naked in a room of mirrors with half a newspaper and a broken guitar.
“Blurtso considers the ideal shape”
Do you think my ears are too big? said Blurtso. Too big for what? said Alex. You know, said Blurtso, too big, too big for the ideal shape of a donkey. I’m not sure, said Alex, what’s the ideal shape of a donkey? You know, said Blurtso, the shape you always see in the magazines, on the billboards, and in the beer commercials. Beer commercials? said Alex. Are those donkeys ideal donkeys? They must be, said Blurtso, or the advertisers wouldn’t use them. How do you know the advertisers aren’t using grotesque donkeys to get our attention? Grotesque donkeys? said Blurtso. I never thought of that… but if those shapes aren’t ideal, then what is? I don’t know, said Alex, maybe your shape is ideal. My shape? said Blurtso. Sure, said Alex, why not? Well, said Blurtso, it is a fine shape, and it has served me well… I guess it must be very sad… to be a grotesque, small-eared donkey, paraded around so the world can see.
“Blurtso feels good about his philosophy exam”
Final Exam – Philosophy 101
Name: Blurtso
1.) Describe the philosophy of Lao-Tzu:
Slow down, you’re already there.
2.) Explain the statement, “If there is no other, there is no I.”
Friends are important.
3.) What did Heraclitus say?
You can’t eat the same pumpkin pie twice.
4.) What lesson do we learn from Plato’s allegory of the cave?
It’s hard to see in the dark.
“Blurtso participates in an age-old tradition”
At midnight on the last night of reading period and before final exams begin, students streak through the Old Yard at Harvard. The University Band plays beforehand to excite the crowd…
…and sometimes the band joins in.
“Blurtso sees an ant” (IX)
It’s nice to be home, said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, it is. It’s nice to see our hay again, said Blurtso, and pie tins, and cocoa powder, and Blurtsobarn coffee mugs. Yes, said Harlan. And my painting easel and brushes, said Blurtso, and Patrick O’Brian novels, and “Mister Ed” dvds, and Tony Robbins tapes, and patchwork blanket, and phonograph player and 1970’s LPs, and Cutco knife set, and autographed copy of Leaves of Grass, and French door windows, and step ladder to the loft. We’ve only been gone three days! said Harlan. I know, said Blurtso, but it seems like years.
“Blurtso sees an ant” (VIII)
I guess, said Blurtso, he wasn’t a hermit ant.
I miss our barn, said Blurtso. So do I, said Harlan. It’s very unsettling, said Blurtso, when someone invades your home. Yes, said Harlan, you feel violated. What if they don’t leave? said Blurtso. We’ll make them leave, said Harlan. How? said Blurtso. If we turn off the solar heater and open the doors, said Harlan, they’ll get cold and go back to their underground nest. That’s a great idea, said Blurtso. But we’ll have to spend a few days in the house, said Harlan, until we’re sure they’re gone.
“Blurtso sees an ant” (VII)
Oh, oh, said Blurtso, do you see that? Yes, said Harlan. What are we going to do? said Blurtso. I don’t mind a single ant, said Harlan, but when you’re surrounded by hundreds or thousands, they become unpleasant. Do you think he’ll tell his friends about the loft? said Blurtso. I don’t know, said Harlan. Maybe he’s a hermit ant, said Blurtso. A hermit ant? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, an ant who rejects the frenetic pace of contemporary ant traditions and ant society, and goes off on his own to contemplate nature and his relationship to the cosmos. Or maybe, said Harlan, he’s a scout ant.
“Blurtso sees an ant” (VI)
That ant is going the wrong way. He’s straying from the pack. I wonder if he’s sick? I wonder if the others will bring him back? Or if he’ll discover a new way to be an ant?