Do you have an iPhone? said Blurtso. No, said Harlan. Do you ever think, said Blurtso, about all the texting people are doing, and wonder what we’re missing? No, said Harlan, but I wonder what they’re missing.
Tag: harlan
“Blurtso hears a whisper” (XI)
Harlan? said Blurtso. Yes? said Harlan. Do you ever get frightened? Frightened? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso. Sometimes, said Harlan. Why? said Blurtso. Well, said Harlan, when you consider how fragile things are–life, love, happiness–and how they’re certain to vanish, and the nothingness that follows, it’s natural to be frightened… but you can still be optimistic. You can? said Blurtso. Sure, said Harlan, we still have a tin of chocolate, and plenty of whipped cream.
“Blurtso renames a body part”
Big Papi, said Harlan, has sure come back strong from his injury. His injury? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, his Achilles. His Achilles? said Blurtso, I thought Achilles was the name of a Greek god. Yes, said Harlan, a Greek warrior, but it’s also the name of the tendon that connects the heel to the calf. Are there other parts of the body, said Blurtso, named after people? There’s the Adam’s apple, said Harlan. Hmmm, said Blurtso, why does Big Papi grab his Hercules before each pitch?
“Alex takes her friends to the street” (IX)
What’s this? said Blurtso. It’s the Baseball Encyclopedia, said Alex, the complete statistical record of every man to ever play Major League Baseball. Wow, said Blurtso, it’s like a history book written with numbers instead of letters. Exactly, said Alex. Who is the greatest player of all time? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex. Or Ted Williams, said Harlan. Which one is it? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex, hit 714 homeruns, a record which lasted for forty years. Yes, said Harlan, but Ted Williams hit 521 homeruns, and he missed five seasons due to military service. So? said Alex. If he had played those years, said Harlan, and averaged 36 homeruns per year, which is what he averaged for his career, he would have hit 700 homeruns as well. Who had the higher batting average? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth batted .342, said Alex. Ted Williams batted .344, said Harlan. Who was a better defensive player? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex, until he got fat. Has anyone else hit 700 homeruns? said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex, Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron. Willie Mays hit 660, said Harlan, and he missed two years in the military, so he would have hit 700. Who is the best defensive player in that group? said Blurtso. Willie Mays, said Alex, but Barry Bonds was also exceptional. Better than Babe Ruth? said Blurtso. Much better, said Harlan. Then why, said Blurtso, isn’t Barry Bonds the best player ever? Because, said Alex, he played in the steroids era. Who was the greatest all-around player, offense and defense? said Blurtso. Probably Willie Mays, said Alex. Or Barry Bonds, said Harlan. But Babe Ruth, said Alex, is the greatest player of all time. Or Ted Williams, said Harlan.
“Alex takes her friends to the street” (II)
Great game! said Alex. We’re 9-2. Only a game out of first!
“Alex takes her friends to the street” (I)
We should play stickball tomorrow, said Alex. Stickball? said Blurtso. Stickball, said Harlan, is the street version of baseball. Yes, said Alex, some of the greatest players in history played stickball… they say Willie Mays was a 4-sewer hitter. A 4-sewer hitter? said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex, he could hit the ball four sewer manholes from the plate. Really? said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex. That’s remarkable, said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex. What’s a manhole? said Blurtso.
“Blurtso longs for Kristi” (IV)
I can still remember, said Blurtso, the last time I saw her…
“Blurtso worries about baseball”
Wow, said Blurtso, another season! Yes, said Harlan. I heard someone say, said Blurtso, that baseball is in trouble. In trouble? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, he said the game has become too slow. The game hasn’t become too slow, said Harlan. It hasn’t? said Blurtso. No, said Harlan, the rest of the world has become too fast.
“Blurtso considers his inner parakeet” (VIII)
With all this snow, said Blurtso, I don’t think I’m getting enough exercise. Maybe you should do some tai chi, said Harlan. Could you teach me? said Blurtso. Sure, said Harlan.
We’ll begin with a simple circling exercise, said Harlan.
A little less like an airplane propeller, said Harlan, more slowly, and more side to side.
“Blurtso loses track” (IV)
I’ve opened and closed the latch on this barn door every day for three years, said Blurtso, and I can’t remember what it looks like… I couldn’t begin to describe it, or describe a thousand other things I’ve used again and again and again. Yes, said Harlan, that’s the way it is, we stumble blindly along, and then one day we’re gone and only the forgotten things remain.