Category: Food and pumpkin pies

“Blurtso reads Proust”

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Mmmm, said Blurtso, taking the first bite of the pumpkin pie he was eating and thinking of all the pumpkin pies he had ever eaten. Mmmm, said Blurtso, taking the second bite of the pumpkin pie he was eating and thinking of all the pumpkin pies he had wanted to eat. Mmmm, said Blurtso, taking the third bite of the pumpkin pie he was eating and thinking of the all the pumpkin pies he was going to eat. Mmmm, said Blurtso, taking the last bite of the pumpkin pie he was eating and wondering where his pumpkin pie had gone while he was eating.

“Pablo makes things grow”

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O.k., said the boss, “Pablo the Gardener,” what experience do you have? Experience? said Pablo. Yes, said the boss. I’m a gardener, said Pablo. O.k., said the boss, but what can you do? I can make things grow, said Pablo. Very well, said the boss, but can you do anything important? Important? said Pablo. What is more important than making things grow?

“Blurtso takes to math like whipped cream to pumpkin pie”

O.k., said the professor, let’s try number three. Two trucks, each filled with pumpkin pies, are going to the Whipped Cream Factory. The first truck leaves fifteen minutes before the second truck and drives at a speed of forty-five miles per hour. The second truck drives at fifty-five miles per hour. There is a donkey in the back of each truck. The donkey in the first truck can eat seventeen pumpkin pies in an hour, and the donkey in the second truck can eat twenty-one pies in an hour…

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There are three bridges, the first at five miles, the second at ten, and the third at fifteen. Both trucks can travel only twenty miles per hour on the bridges. Each bridge is a quarter mile long. O.k., the question is… at the moment when the second truck overtakes the first, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Who would like to give this a shot?… How about you in the front row, the one with the boxing-glove nose… Me? said Blurtso. Yes, said the professor, which donkey will have eaten more pumpkin pie? Neither, said Blurtso. Neither? said the professor. They will have both eaten the same. The same? said the professor. Yes, said Blurtso, each donkey will have eaten as much pumpkin pie as he could.

“Blurtso considers where he’s standing”

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I suppose I am a temporary thing, thought Blurtso. The day will come when I am gone and forgotten. As if I never existed. As before I existed. In the meanwhile I’m here, standing between two oblivions, pausing to enjoy a snack, and sending a mouthful of grass… to its next oblivion.

“Blurtso gets a taste of Fenway”

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Who’s your favorite Red Sox player? said Harlan. I don’t know, said Blurtso. How about you? said Harlan. I’m a Yankee fan, said Alex. Jeter? said Harlan. Of course, said Alex. We should go to a game, said Harlan. I can get three tickets for this afternoon, said Alex, but we’ll be in the sun in rightfield, so make sure to wear a cap.

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Wow! said Blurtso. Look at that grass!

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It’s the seventh-inning stretch, said Alex, where’s Blurtso?

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“Blurtso and Harlan consider supper”

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That was a wonderful supper, said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, it was. But it’s sad to think, said Blurtso, that everything we ate was once alive. Yes, said Harlan, that’s true. I suppose, said Blurtso, that everything that is ever alive is eventually eaten. Yes, said Harlan, it is. Harlan? said Blurtso. Yes? said Harlan. I hope whoever eats me is as nice as you. Thank you, said Harlan, I feel the same way.