Hey, what’s this? A dating site! Maybe I should fill out a profile.

Name: Blurtso
Age: I don’t know, I haven’t cut myself in half to count the rings
Height: I like high places, especially my treehouse
Weight: less than an elephant, more than a duck

Self summary:
I like myself, so if you’re anything like me, you’ll like me too.

What I’m doing with my life:
eating, sleeping, walking around

I’m really good at:
looking and thinking

The first thing that others notice about me:
that I stepped on their foot

Favorite books: The Idiot’s Guide to Animal Husbandry

Favorite music: You Can’t Roller Skate in a Buffalo Herd (Roger Miller), Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata for Seventy-Six Trombones

Favorite movies: Babbling Brook (ambient DVD), Ocean Waves (ambient DVD), Winter Snowfall (ambient DVD), Mister Ed

Favorite food: sustainably grown, organic, local, macrobiotic, paleolithic, ketogenic, activated-charcoal, Mediterranean, Adriatic, North-Atlantic, South-Atlantic, north-beach, south-beach, Laguna-Beach, free-range, super-detox, free-range, alfalfa-fed pumpkins

Things I can’t do without:
my hooves, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, and sometimes my tail

I spend a lot of time thinking about:
what that smell is

On a typical Friday night I am:
wondering what night of the week it is

The most private thing I’m willing to admit is:
my life is an open blog

I’m looking for:

• the wristwatch I lost
• a calorie-free pumpkin pie
• calorie-free whipped cream
• a roadmap that can be folded
• a restroom with stalls for donkeys
• sunglasses that don’t pinch my ears

You should message me if:

• you need an empty pie tin
• you found my wristwatch
• you lost your Wi-fi
• you have a pumpkin pie
• you want to read me a bedtime story