A donkey, a donkey! cried Alex. My kingdom for a donkey!
Tally-ho!!!
Now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer
by “BlurtZo de la Brava Espada”…
Tag: giraffes
“Blurtso and Alex take tea”
I am mortified, said Blurtso. What? said Alex. Poor Jane, said Blurtso, and poor Mister Bingley. Who? said Alex. I never saw a more promising inclination, said Blurtso, he had grown quite inattentive toward other people, and is not general incivility the very essence of love? What? said Alex. I am mortified, said Blurtso, I am humbled, I am grieved, and hope against hope that Wickam and Lydia will be married. I have been so ungenerous to Mister Darcy, and now we owe the restoration of everything to him. What on earth are you talking about? said Alex. And what’s that book you’re reading? It’s Pride and Prejudice, said Blurtso, by Jane Austen. Oh, said Alex. You are too generous to trifle with me, said Blurtso, if you will take another cup of tea, please, tell me at once. Another cup? said Alex. Why yes, I shall accept your offer, with gratitude and pleasure.
“Blurtso considers nature and nurture”
What are you taking this semester? said Alex. I’m taking a class called, “Nature or Nurture,” said Blurtso. Of course, said Alex, the debate over the effect of heredity versus environment on personal development. Really? said Blurtso, I thought it was a spelling class.
“Harlan becomes the center of attention”
Why is everyone staring? said Harlan.
Don’t mind them, said Alex, they’re just zoonophobic.
“Alex gets political”
What? said Blurtso. That cloud, said Alex, it looks like a human. Where? said Blurtso. There, said Alex, can’t you see? That’s its head, and those are its eyes, and those are its ears, and that’s its body and arms and legs… Of course, said Blurtso. And what’s the big dark cloud that looks like an outhouse? That? said Alex. That’s Dick Cheney.
“Blurtso works on his six-pack”
I think I’ve gained some weight, said Blurtso. Maybe, said Alex, you should do some crunches.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…
Whew, said Blurtso, that was a once in a lifetime experience.
“Blurtso gives the opening prayer”
What’s the matter? said Alex. I’m worried, said Blurtso. Why? said Alex. Because I have to speak at Commencement. But you’re not graduating, said Alex. I know, said Blurtso, but my scholarship requires I make an appearance, and the president wants me to give the opening prayer. The opening prayer? said Alex. Yes, said Blurtso, and I don’t know what to say. Well, said Alex, you’ve got to mention god, of course. God? said Blurtso. You mean the great donkey in the sky? Yes, said Alex, and no, because you can’t give preference to one god over another. You mean I have to mention all the gods? said Blurtso. How do I do that? It’s tricky, said Alex. What if I don’t mention any? No, said Alex, that won’t do…
Let us pray, said Blurtso, Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god… let’s see… where was I?… oh yes… oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, ad Infinitum… amen.
“Blurtso plays chess”
Have you ever played chess? said Alex. No, said Blurtso, I don’t even know the pieces. That’s alright, said Alex, I can teach you… this is the king, and the queen, and the bishop, and the horse, and the castle. Oh, said Blurtso, and the little ones are the donkeys?
“Pablo sings his songs”
Here are some songs I’ve written.
Cliffs of the heart
You can’t say yes
The best we can do
The snow is melting
Slipping into stone
Out of line
Kindness
Undo what’s done
Devil’s Sister
Liar sun
Because I love you
The hope it is
Letting go
Crossroads night
Take me there
All I want is a breeze
The beginning of you
Hell on the inside
The kingdom meant for me
Eight ounces of water
Go around
Catch, glide and shove
Too late for you
This girl do
Sleeping where the rich people play
Of all the gold
Echo
Afraid this time
Tenderness
A safe place to go
Seize the moment
Haven’t had yet
My Michelle
Cruel shapes
You made him a promise
Seventh day
My baby’s arms
More than the blues
Drink beer on stage
I’m in you
Save me
Giraffe
“Blurtso considers the ideal shape”
Do you think my ears are too big? said Blurtso. Too big for what? said Alex. You know, said Blurtso, too big, too big for the ideal shape of a donkey. I’m not sure, said Alex, what’s the ideal shape of a donkey? You know, said Blurtso, the shape you always see in the magazines, on the billboards, and in the beer commercials. Beer commercials? said Alex. Are those donkeys ideal donkeys? They must be, said Blurtso, or the advertisers wouldn’t use them. How do you know the advertisers aren’t using grotesque donkeys to get our attention? Grotesque donkeys? said Blurtso. I never thought of that… but if those shapes aren’t ideal, then what is? I don’t know, said Alex, maybe your shape is ideal. My shape? said Blurtso. Sure, said Alex, why not? Well, said Blurtso, it is a fine shape, and it has served me well… I guess it must be very sad… to be a grotesque, small-eared donkey, paraded around so the world can see.