O.k., said Blurtso, on three. One, two, three… go!
And off they went as fast as they could.
What do you know, thought Blurtso, Pavlov was right.
Category: Consumerism
“Blurtso meets the devil at the trombone store”
Hello, said the devil. Hello, said Blurtso. I see you’ve come to buy a trombone. Have I? said Blurtso. You must have, said the devil. I don’t think I need a trombone, said Blurtso. You don’t? said the devil. I already have two, said Blurtso. Two trombones! said the devil, you must be very happy! Yes, said Blurtso, I am. Do you want to give me one of your trombones? Absolutely not, said Blurtso. You are happier with two trombones instead of one? said the devil. Yes, said Blurtso, I’m fond of my trombones. Well, said the devil, if you are happier with two instead of one, it stands to reason that you would be happier with three instead of two. Yes, said Blurtso, that stands to reason. And if three makes you happier than two, four would make you happier than three. Four trombones? said Blurtso. Absolutely, said the devil, and five and six. I’m not sure, said Blurtso, there must be a point of diminishing trombones. Diminishing trombones? said the devil. When more becomes less, said Blurtso. More becomes less? said the devil, that makes no sense. I suppose it doesn’t, said Blurtso, admiring a trombone out of the corner of his eye.
“Blurtso tries to help”
A metal saw? I could bake one in a pumpkin pie…
“Blurtso considers the end of an empire”
Maybe this is what killed the Egyptians.
“Blurtso learns a lesson”
Look at all that hay! I wonder if I can fit through the fence?
Oh, oh, my ears won’t go back… and I’m too fat to go forward.
I guess I’ll just have to stay here. Hmm… I can’t even reach the hay. That’s all right. I wasn’t hungry in the first place. I just wanted to stuff myself. I wonder how long I’ll be here? Someone is bound to come along. Someone with a super-modern high-tech donkey-saving tool. I don’t know why I wanted that hay, I wasn’t even hungry. But I’ll be hungry tomorrow. Then I’ll want that hay. But all I’ll have is the grass in front of me. I’d better be careful. I don’t want to eat it all. I’ve got to save enough grass for the next day, and the day after that. And I’ve got to leave enough on top so the roots don’t burn. Fortunately I’ve got a puddle of water, so I won’t die of thirst. Unless I have gas. I’ve heard that methane contributes to global warming, and if the temperature rises, the water will evaporate and the grass will burn. All because I wanted to stuff myself. And I wasn’t even hungry.
And so the days passed—night after day and day after night—and Blurtso tended his garden, eating only what was necessary to maintain his strength, and drinking only enough to slake his thirst. And from time to time it rained, and his puddle filled and his grass grew. And every day he looked at the hay, drying, splitting, and losing its fragrance, until one day when he was enjoying his morning snack… he slipped through the fence.
Hey! I’m skinny enough to get through! And to get out!
Hmm…
“Blurtso happens upon a harbinger”
It sure is hot…
I hope this riverbed leads to water.
I haven’t had a drink for days…
but I’m sure there’s no need to worry.
Oh, oh…
“Blurtso goes to market”
To market, to market, to market I go,
with every sad smile and thought that I sow,
to market, to market, to market today,
to sell my poor self and see what they’ll pay.
“Blurtso considers his inner parakeet” (XIX)
And they gathered and said, “Speak to us of technology.”
And Blurtso replied:
“What does it serve us to become tools of our tools?”
“Blurtso considers his inner parakeet” (XCVII)
And they gathered and said, “Speak to us of quality time.”
And Blurtso replied:
Most of the people don’t spend much time
with most of the people they’re around most of the time.
“Blurtso worries about baseball”
Wow, said Blurtso, another season! Yes, said Harlan. I heard someone say, said Blurtso, that baseball is in trouble. In trouble? said Harlan. Yes, said Blurtso, he said the game has become too slow. The game hasn’t become too slow, said Harlan. It hasn’t? said Blurtso. No, said Harlan, the rest of the world has become too fast.