Category: Corporate destruction

February 28, 2016

“Blurtso goes green” (IV)

It sure is warm in here, said Harlan. It sure is, said Blurtso. That’s because a greenhouse, said Alex, turns solar energy into thermal energy, which in turn creates a convection process. What? said Blurtso. Solar energy, said Alex, passes through the glass and gets absorbed by the ground and plants. The plants convert the sun’s short wave infrared rays into long wave infrared rays—into heat energy—which can’t escape the glass. Because the air is trapped, the warm air near the ground rises and the cool air near the ceiling falls, turning the greenhouse into a convection oven which forces the air to become warmer and warmer with each rise and fall. A convection oven? Said Blurtso. Exactly, said Alex. Does that work on a small scale? said Blurtso. Of course it does, said Alex. So I could bake a pumpkin pie, said Blurtso, in a miniature greenhouse?

February 27, 2016

“Blurtso goes green” (III)

Your greenhouse was all we talked about today in class, said Harlan. Really? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, the professor gave us an article to read about Degrowth Theory. Degrowth theory? said Alex, isn’t that an oxymoron? An oxymoron? said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex, a concept that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements; growth implies increase, “de” implies the opposite, so you might as well say decrease. The professor explained that, said Harlan, he said the word implies the increase of communities choosing to decrease their consumption, a world where more people choose to live a simpler lifestyle. What does that have to do with my greenhouse? said Blurtso. Your greenhouse, said Harlan, is a local, self-sustaining environment, you could live forever in this greenhouse if you chose to. Except, said Blurtso, for pumpkin pies. You could grow pumpkins, said Harlan. How would I cook them? You’d have to plant some fast-growing trees, said Harlan, and use the wood for fire. Or use solar energy, said Alex. Isn’t it hard to grow solar panels? said Blurtso. It’s impossible, said Harlan, but you could trade with others in the community who had what you need, and eventually reduce the size of your environmental hoofprint. My environmental hoofprint? said Blurtso, I don’t think my hoofs are too big.

February 26, 2016

“Blurtso goes green” (II)

What are you doing? said Harlan. I’m grazing, said Blurtso, I’ve got to get this grass under control. What about school? said Harlan. School will have to wait, said Blurtso. O.k., said Harlan, I’ll take notes for you… is there anything you need? No, said Blurtso, I’ve got plenty to eat, and the snow will quench my thirst. O.k., said Harlan, I’ll tell the professor why you’re absent. Thanks, said Blurtso.

Hello, said the professor. Hello, said Blurtso. Your roommate told me why you missed class, said the professor. I’m sorry, said Blurtso, but this greenhouse is my responsibility. Your responsibility? said the professor. Yes, said Blurtso, it was entrusted to me, and I’ve neglected it too long. I admire your sense of duty, said the professor, but your grade will suffer. That is a price, said Blurtso, I’m prepared to pay. On the other hand, said the professor, I might be able to give you service-learning credit. Service-learning credit? said Blurtso. Yes, said the professor, for doing something that benefits the community. How does this benefit the community? Your greenhouse, said the professor, could be a model for self-sustainability in Cambridge. A model? said Blurtso. Yes, said the professor, but you’d have to be willing to talk to people about what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. I’m doing it, said Blurtso, because I waited too long, and I can’t wait any longer. Exactly, said the professor.

February 25, 2016

“Blurtso goes green” (I)

Hmm, thought Blurtso, the grass in Pablo’s greenhouse is getting out of control… I’d better do some serious grazing.

This is going to take longer than I thought…

January 19, 2016

“Blurtso jumps” (V)

Hmm, thought Blurtso, that was quite a week. First I was no one, then I set a record, then I was famous, then I was banned, then I was no one… all because I slid down a hill on a couple of sticks. I sure am glad insanity is fleeting.

January 18, 2016

“Blurtso jumps” (IV)

Where are the reporters, said Alex, and the paparazzi? They’re gone, said Blurtso. Why? said Alex. Because the Olympic Committee disqualified my jump. Why? said Alex. Because I jumped on four hooves, said Blurtso, and they said the binding attaching my front hooves to the skis made it easier to keep my tips up, which gave me greater lift, and resulted in the world record. And I was also disqualified because I’m a donkey. Well, said Alex, don’t feel too bad, the Olympic Committee didn’t allow women to ski jump in the Olympics until 2014. What?! said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex. That’s shameless discrimination, said Blurtso, do you think they’ll ever let donkeys jump? No, said Alex, but if they do, the story of your record will be a great inspiration. Really? said Blurtso. Sure, said Alex, you’re a pioneer. Wow, said Blurtso, like Babe the blue ox!

January 17, 2016

“Blurtso jumps” (III)

Blurtso? said Alex. Hmm? said Blurtso. Why are you hiding? Because of the people, said Blurtso. The TV trucks? said Alex, and reporters and paparazzi and helicopters? Yes, said Blurtso. Why are they here? said Alex. I competed in my first meet today, said Blurtso. And? said Alex. And I jumped 276 meters, said Blurtso. So? said Alex. It was a new world record. Oh, said Alex.

January 6, 2016

“Bonny tells a bedtime story”

Would you like to hear a bedtime story? said Bonny. Oh yes! said Ditto. Oh yes! said Virginia. What’s it called? said Ditto. It’s called, said Bonny, “Enough is Enough.” That’s a strange name, said Virginia. Yes, said Ditto, a very strange name. It’s a story about a little donkey and a little girl, said Bonny. Named Ditto and Virginia? said Ditto. Yes, said Bonny. Oh boy, said Ditto, I can hardly wait! Yes, said Virginia, please tell us! Very well, said Bonny, it goes like this:

Once upon a time there was a donkey named Ditto. Ditto lived in a castle on the edge of a river. The castle was ruled by a king named Rupert. Across the river was a castle and a king named Richard. The river that separated the two castles was wide and black. It flowed from the remains of a forest that was deep and green.

The two castles made enormous demands on the land. They consumed wood from the forest, water from the river, and every kind of fruit, vegetable and animal they could eat. They consumed so much that soon they would have nothing left, but they couldn’t imagine living any other way. Their life seemed as natural to them as the contaminated air they breathed, and the contaminated land they worked.

Now, Ditto was a mischievous donkey who liked to wander off. One day, when he was wandering, he came to a bridge that crossed the river, and half-way across he met a girl named Virginia.

“I’ve got to go home,” said Virginia.
“So do I,” said Ditto.
“King Richard closes the bridge at dusk,” said Virginia.
“King Richard?” said Ditto. “You mean King Rupert.”
“No,” said Virginia, “I mean King Richard.”

Ditto had never met someone from the castle of King Richard and Virginia had never met someone from the castle of King Rupert. But though Virginia had been taught to hate everyone from the castle of King Rupert and Ditto had been taught to hate everyone from the castle of King Richard, Ditto couldn’t hate Virginia and Virginia couldn’t hate Ditto, because they had already begun to like each other before they remembered they were supposed to hate each other.

King Rupert and King Richard hated everything about each other, even though they were exactly the same. They hated each other because they each wanted all of the land and all of the water and even all of the air. Because neither one ever had enough of anything. They were insatiable. They ate so fast that they didn’t taste their food, and they were in such a hurry that they never enjoyed anything. They could never have enough, and what was worse, they had been so unsatisfied for so long that they both believed there was no other way to be.

Sometimes the peasants got angry and restless and began to complain. And whenever they did, the Kings would hold a jousting tournament to distract them, or they would rekindle the war with the enemy castle, and then the peasants would turn their anger on the enemy castle and forget for the time being to hold their own king accountable.

Both Ditto and Virginia knew that they would be punished if they were found playing together. The only place they could play and not be seen was in the woods, so, with some trepidation, they began to play on the fringes of the forest. One day when Virginia was chasing a butterfly, and Ditto was following, the butterfly flew so deep into the forest that Ditto and Virginia became lost. Ditto and Virginia were very scared when they realized they were lost.

They began to realize that they didn’t need a big castle and they didn’t need the excess. They learned the lessons of the forest of Enough is Enough.

“We should return to our castles and teach them all that we’ve learned,” said Virginia.
“Yes,” said Ditto, “and we could plant trees on the land and clean up the river.”

And so Ditto returned to the castle of King Rupert and Virginia returned to the castle of King Richard. Ditto told King Rupert all that he had learned in the Forest of Enough is Enough, and Virginia told King Richard all that she had learned. As soon as King Rupert heard what he heard and King Richard heard what he heard, the two kings called an immediate truce to their fighting and held a secret meeting deep in one of the rooms of the castle of King Rupert.

The next day King Rupert announced that he had encountered a threat even greater than King Richard, and King Richard announced he had encountered a threat even greater than King Rupert, and that King Rupert and King Richard were going to unite to overcome this new threat. And the next day the armies of King Rupert and King Richard charged into the remains of the forest of Enough is Enough and razed it to the ground.

“Now,” said King Rupert and King Richard in unison, “we can get back to hating each other and consuming what we want to.”