Category: Boston and Cambridge and Concord

“Blurtso learns a lesson”

blurtso1625

Look at all that hay! I wonder if I can fit through the fence?

blurtso1624

Oh, oh, my ears won’t go back… and I’m too fat to go forward.

blurtso1626

I guess I’ll just have to stay here. Hmm… I can’t even reach the hay. That’s all right. I wasn’t hungry in the first place. I just wanted to stuff myself. I wonder how long I’ll be here? Someone is bound to come along. Someone with a super-modern high-tech donkey-saving tool. I don’t know why I wanted that hay, I wasn’t even hungry. But I’ll be hungry tomorrow. Then I’ll want that hay. But all I’ll have is the grass in front of me. I’d better be careful. I don’t want to eat it all. I’ve got to save enough grass for the next day, and the day after that. And I’ve got to leave enough on top so the roots don’t burn. Fortunately I’ve got a puddle of water, so I won’t die of thirst. Unless I have gas. I’ve heard that methane contributes to global warming, and if the temperature rises, the water will evaporate and the grass will burn. All because I wanted to stuff myself. And I wasn’t even hungry.

blurtso1623

And so the days passed—night after day and day after night—and Blurtso tended his garden, eating only what was necessary to maintain his strength, and drinking only enough to slake his thirst. And from time to time it rained, and his puddle filled and his grass grew. And every day he looked at the hay, drying, splitting, and losing its fragrance, until one day when he was enjoying his morning snack… he slipped through the fence.

blurtso1629

Hey! I’m skinny enough to get through! And to get out!

blurtso1630

Hmm…

“Blurtso happens upon a harbinger”

blurtso1600

It sure is hot…
I hope this riverbed leads to water.

blurtso1601

I haven’t had a drink for days…
but I’m sure there’s no need to worry.

blurtso1599

Oh, oh…

“Pablo journeys to the greenhouse”

blurtso817

Over the hill and through the woods…

blurtso819

to my greenhouse I will go…

blurtso820

I’ll fill a wagon and return to our cabin…
where we’ll all live like H.D. Thoreau.

“Blurtso renames a body part”

blurtso1659

Big Papi, said Harlan, has sure come back strong from his injury. His injury? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, his Achilles. His Achilles? said Blurtso, I thought Achilles was the name of a Greek god. Yes, said Harlan, a Greek warrior, but it’s also the name of the tendon that connects the heel to the calf. Are there other parts of the body, said Blurtso, named after people? There’s the Adam’s apple, said Harlan. Hmmm, said Blurtso, why does Big Papi grab his Hercules before each pitch?

“Alex takes her friends to the street” (IX)

blurtso3337

What’s this? said Blurtso. It’s the Baseball Encyclopedia, said Alex, the complete statistical record of every man to ever play Major League Baseball. Wow, said Blurtso, it’s like a history book written with numbers instead of letters. Exactly, said Alex. Who is the greatest player of all time? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex. Or Ted Williams, said Harlan. Which one is it? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex, hit 714 homeruns, a record which lasted for forty years. Yes, said Harlan, but Ted Williams hit 521 homeruns, and he missed five seasons due to military service. So? said Alex. If he had played those years, said Harlan, and averaged 36 homeruns per year, which is what he averaged for his career, he would have hit 700 homeruns as well. Who had the higher batting average? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth batted .342, said Alex. Ted Williams batted .344, said Harlan. Who was a better defensive player? said Blurtso. Babe Ruth, said Alex, until he got fat. Has anyone else hit 700 homeruns? said Blurtso. Yes, said Alex, Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron. Willie Mays hit 660, said Harlan, and he missed two years in the military, so he would have hit 700. Who is the best defensive player in that group? said Blurtso. Willie Mays, said Alex, but Barry Bonds was also exceptional. Better than Babe Ruth? said Blurtso. Much better, said Harlan. Then why, said Blurtso, isn’t Barry Bonds the best player ever? Because, said Alex, he played in the steroids era. Who was the greatest all-around player, offense and defense? said Blurtso. Probably Willie Mays, said Alex. Or Barry Bonds, said Harlan. But Babe Ruth, said Alex, is the greatest player of all time. Or Ted Williams, said Harlan.

“Alex takes her friends to the street” (VIII)

blurtso3327

Two outs, bottom of the ninth, one strike from the championship… here’s the pitch… a swing… it’s a long flyball… the centerfielder leaps… she’s got it!… no… she drops it!… it’s headed to rightfield…

blurtso3329

The rightfielder has it it!… no… he drops it!… but here comes the centerfielder!…

blurtso3330

blurtso3331

Break out the cocoa and pumpkin pies! We made a clean sweep of all the awards, said Pablo. Harlan won the homerun title, Alex won the golden hoof award, Bonny led the league in wins, I had the highest batting average, Ditto had the best on base percentage, and Blurtso hit into the most double plays.

        ab  h 2b 3b hr rbi r bb so hbp ba   obp   slg dp
Blurtso 89 11  0  0  1  4  6  0 51  0 .124 .124 0.157 26
Harlan  66 32  6  0 25 89 46 29 26  0 .484 .642 1.727 5
Alex    96 49  9 26  3 23 53  5  3  0 .510 .535 1.343 0
Ditto    1  0  0  0  0  6 52 86  1  7 .000 .989 0.000 0
Bonny   82 53  5  1  6 44 36 11  4  0 .646 .688 0.951 3
Pablo   75 56 24  6  9 77 50 18  0  0 .747 .796 1.587 2

       w l  ip  h bb so hr era
Bonny 10 2 102 123 4 71 17 9.63

“Alex takes her friends to the street” (VII)

blurtso3315

I forgot to water my pumpkins this morning, thought Pablo, I wonder what the temperature is today?

blurtso3316

The zoo is open until dusk, thought Harlan, and the elephant cage is right by the entrance.

blurtso3317a

I wonder, thought Ditto, if Dustin Pedroia ever played rightfield?

blurtso3317

Ditto’s birthday is tomorrow, thought Bonny, I hope the Dustin Pedroia jersey isn’t too small.

blurtso3321

The team is really focused today, thought Alex, the championship is as good as won.

“Alex takes her friends to the street” (VI)

blurtso3313

Wow, thought Blurtso, today’s game decides the championship. I’ve never been a champion. I set a record in the ski jump, but was disqualified for being a donkey. That was a relief, because the paparazzi went away. There aren’t any paparazzi here. Or any fans. I guess they’re all at home, listening on the radio. I wonder who’s doing the broadcast? I’ll bet it’s Jerry Remy. I wonder if Jerry Remy played stickball? He grew up in Somerset, so he probably played baseball, on real grass. That would be distracting, playing on grass. As distracting as playing in a pumpkin pie factory. You don’t see many sporting events in pie factories, for just that reason. I wonder if the winners get a trophy? I’d love to have a trophy, tall and shiny, with an action figure on top. Maybe a donkey taking a Ruthian sing, or a donkey making an over-the-shoulder catch, or a donkey gunning down a runner from third. A trophy would look great in the barn, with a little straw around the base. I wonder if being a champion would go to my head? I wonder if I’d begin to stay out late, and go to nightclubs, and get in trouble with the law? The paparazzi would revel in my fall, encouraging the cracks in my character. And I have many cracks. I’m not a role model. I have too many vices… pumpkin pie, hot cocoa, whipped cream. I wouldn’t want anyone to imitate me. I would be a terrible champion. But I sure would like a trophy, tall and shiny, in the middle of the barn.

“Alex takes her friends to the street” (IV)

blurtso3307

Game seven, bottom of the ninth, three balls, two strikes, two outs, runners on second and third, Redsox up by a run… runners are off with the pitch… it’s a slow roller to Dustin “Ditto” Pedroia…

blurtso3306