Do you think that beauty, said Ditto, is in the object or in the eye of the beholder? I don’t know, said Virginia, what do you think? I think it’s both, said Ditto, if the object is the eye of the beholder. Are you saying, said Virginia, that you think I have beautiful eyes?
You haven’t been sleeping? said Ditto. No, said Virginia, I lie awake, thinking. What do you think about? said Ditto. I think about my loved ones, said Virginia, what they’re doing and what they need, and what I can do for them. That’s a lot to think about, said Ditto. Yes, said Virginia, it is. Maybe we could share your loved ones, said Ditto, and I could think of half of them and you could think of the other half. That way you could get at least half a night’s sleep.”
Non-dancers, said Blurtso, don’t understand
the need to leave clothes on the floor.
“Blah, blah, blah,” said the schoolmarm, “blah, blah, blah, blah.” This lesson is so boring, thought Ditto. I wonder what the schoolmarm is saying? It’s hard to focus with that little piece of corn between her teeth. I wonder if she knows it’s there? I wonder what else she had for lunch? There’s a spot on the sleeve of her blouse… maybe she had a Salisbury steak with gravy… or a donut with chocolate icing… or maybe it’s blood… maybe she smashed a mosquito with her elbow… or leaned against a freshly painted barn… the spot matches the color of her shoes… I wonder if she ties her laces with a single loop or bunny ears through the rabbit hole… one of the laces is loose… and an ear has come undone… I haven’t seen many bunnies this spring… maybe I’ll see one on the way home… if I’m lucky… maybe I’ll see a bunny… or a turtle… or a giraffe…
Peace of mind, thought Blurtso, is the flower of self-respect.
Hmm, said the doctor, the cuff won’t fit around your front leg…
… that’s better.
Turn your head and bray…
Great news, you’re as strong as a horse. Really?! said Blurtso. A horse?! Yes, said the doctor. However, I’m concerned about your teeth. They’ve become an alarming, pumpkin-orange color.
I admire grass, thought Blurtso. It never gets discouraged. It keeps growing no matter how often they mow it down. And in a storm it just bends with the wind. It makes me happy to think… we are what we eat.
Ambition… is no substitute for love.
If I were you, said Blurtso, I’d walk right up to her and say,
“Keep your hands off my Häagen Dazs!”
“Blah, blah, blah,” said the schoolmarm, “blah, blah, blah, blah.” This lesson is so boring, thought Ditto. I wonder how the schoolmarm gets her hair like that? It’s almost like a block of clay… or a wasps’ nest… or a bunch of cowpies stacked on top of each other and glued with construction paste… I like the smell of construction paste… but I don’t like the taste… I prefer the taste of alfalfa… that’s an interesting word… alfalfa.. three a’s… two l’s… and two f’s… hmm… it’s almost a palindrome… aflafla… I wonder if it tastes just as good when it’s spelled backwards… or when you eat it upside down…