Category: Philosophy

“Blurtso outsmarts the devil”

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Hello, said Blurtso. Hello, said the devil. Come in, said Blurtso. Thank you, said the devil. I wasn’t sure you’d come, said Blurtso. I wasn’t sure you’d be here, said the devil. Here I am, said Blurtso. And I, said the devil. The bet is, said Blurtso, to see who can eat the most pumpkin pies. Yes, said the devil. And if I win? said Blurtso. You will have an endless supply of pumpkin pies. And if I lose? said Blurtso. You will relinquish your soul. Very well, said Blurtso, shall we begin with the pie on the table? Yes, said the devil, that looks like a perfectly good pie. Would you like to go first? asked Blurtso. No, said the devil, I wouldn’t dream of it. Very well, said Blurtso, sitting down to the pie. Blurtso cut the pie, slowly, into six equal slices, then proceeded to eat them, one by one, relishing every pumpkin-filled bite. When he finished he licked the tin and pushed it toward the devil. That’s enough for me, said Blurtso. Only one? said the devil, that’s no competition at all. Perhaps, said Blurtso. O.k., said the devil, now it’s my turn. Go ahead, said Blurtso. Where’s my pie? asked the devil. I’m sorry, said Blurtso, I ate the last one.

“Blurtso is happy to be of help”

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I want to help, said Blurtso, but I’ve got to be honest about my abilities. Let me see, he said, I know that I’m not very good at carrying heavy objects, I tire easily and I recuperate slowly. I don’t read and I don’t write, and my hoofs are good for little more than standing on, which I prefer to avoid, if there is a patch of grass nearby. Hmmmm…. my nose is quite good for sniffing, and my ears are quite good for hearing, so I can usually hear when someone is asking someone to give them a hand with something, but of course I don’t have hands and my hoofs are good for little more than standing on, which usually isn’t much help. I’m pretty good company, I guess, if you’re someone who doesn’t move around a lot, or you just need someone to nap with. I’m quite good at that, I believe, taking naps that is. I can take a nap at almost any time and almost any place. And I must be good at other things too, but I can’t remember what they are, because I don’t have a very good memory. But I know I am happy to be of help. I’m quite sure of that. I’m very happy to be of help.

“Ditto goes to school” (XL)

I really liked today’s class with Ms. Johnson, said Ditto. What did you like about it? said Virginia. I liked that she’s interested in who we are, said Ditto. She asked about our friends, our family, and the life we live on Walden Pond. There’s a term for that, said Virginia. A term for what? said Ditto. A term for when teachers are interested in their students, said Virginia, in a way that the students are also teachers, and the relationship becomes reciprocal. Reciprocal? said Ditto. Back and forth, said Virginia. What’s the term? said Ditto. It’s called, “Tons of Knowledge,” said Virginia. “Tons of Knowledge?” said Ditto. I think so, said Virginia, I heard Ms. Johnson talking about it the other day. That sounds like a lot of knowledge! said Ditto. It is, said Virginia. It refers to everything we know from growing up outside the classroom; the cultural, intellectual, and emotional diversity of our lives. Hmm, said Ditto, “Tons of Knowledge,” I like that, it makes me feel I have a lot to offer.

“Ditto goes to school” (XXXIX)

Ms. Johnson was talking a lot about neoliberalism in today’s class, said Ditto, do you know what she meant? I think, said Virginia, it’s about ignoring who people are and forcing them to be what they’re not. How do you know who you are? said Ditto. Who you are, said Virginia, is what creates a knot in your stomach when you’re forced to be what you’re not.

“Ditto goes to school” (XXXVIII)

Why do you think people worry? said Ditto. I think people worry, said Virginia, because they love, and because they want the best for others in an unpredictable world. Is that why you worry? said Ditto. Yes, said Virginia. In that case, said Ditto, I’m going to start worrying too. About what? said Virginia. About you, said Ditto, in an unpredictable world.

“Ditto goes to school” (XXXVII)

Do you think that beauty, said Ditto, is in the object or in the eye of the beholder? I don’t know, said Virginia, what do you think? I think it’s both, said Ditto, if the object is the eye of the beholder. Are you saying, said Virginia, that you think I have beautiful eyes?

“Ditto goes to school” (XXXVI)

You haven’t been sleeping? said Ditto. No, said Virginia, I lie awake, thinking. What do you think about? said Ditto. I think about my loved ones, said Virginia, what they’re doing and what they need, and what I can do for them. That’s a lot to think about, said Ditto. Yes, said Virginia, it is. Maybe we could share your loved ones, said Ditto, and I could think of half of them and you could think of the other half. That way you could get at least half a night’s sleep.”