Tagged funny

“Blurtso feels good about his final exam” (III)

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Final Exam – Greek 201
Name: Blurtso

1.) Why did Oedipus kill his father and marry his mother?
Because his friend, Sigmund, told him to.
2.) Who is the goddess Aphrodite?
Aphrodite is the barnyard goddess who visits donkeys in the spring.
3.) What lessons can be learned from the “House of Atreus”?
Don’t talk with your mouth full, don’t contradict your wife, and always lock the bathroom door.
4.) Why did Zeus become a swan?
Because Leda didn’t like woodpeckers.
5.) Why did the Greeks go to war against Troy?
Because Paris stole Helen’s pumpkin pie.
6.) How did the Greeks win the battle of Troy?
They built an enormous donkey that scared away all the Trojan horses.
7.) Why was Athena considered the goddess of wisdom?
Because she had grey eyes, and grey is a sign of strength, beauty, and extraordinary intelligence.
8.) Why was Prometheus bound to a rock?
Because trees can catch fire.
9.) Who was Homer and what did he write?
Homer was a poet who wrote a story about a hero named Ysseus who was very odd.
10.) What is a lyre?
A lyre is an ancient, string instrument that was popular until the invention of the trombone.
11.) Explain “hubris”:
Hubris is the idea that “pride comes before the fall”—like when you think you’re going to get an “A”, and then you don’t.

“Blurtso parrots Papa” (VII)

The side of the mountain was covered with snow. Nick could see the team on the ridge, but he couldn’t see Jim. Jim was at the back, anchoring the line. Nick heard a pop and a sheet of snow slid from the ridge. The sheet was sawed into strips by the pines on the hill. Nick heard another pop and saw another sheet break loose. He saw the sheet move before he heard the pop.

At the lodge they sat in silence.
“I’d give anything to have been up there,” said Nick.
“It was something,” said Jim.
“This damn leg,” said Nick.
“Sure,” said Jim.
“You never know,” said Nick, “what you’re doing for the last time.”
“We had some times,” said Jim.
Jim looked at the glass in his hand then looked at Nick. Nick looked at Jim.
“My stomach’s still good,” said Nick.
“I’ll get another bottle,” said Jim.

“Bonny serenades her beau”

“The first time…” sang Bonny, “ever I saw your nose… I thought the sun rose… on your ears… and the moon and the stars… were the crown you placed… on the green… and the tasty fields… my love… on the green… and the tasty fields…”

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“The first time… ever I grazed with you… I felt the earth… move beneath my hooves… like the trembling heart… deep inside of me… and I knew… you could understand… my love… I knew… you could understand… The first time… ever I napped with you… and heard your snore… harmonize with mine… I felt our song… would fill the farms… and bray… ‘til the end of time… my love… and bray… ‘til the end of time… The first time… ever I saw… your nose… your nose… your nose… your nose…”

“To snowboard or to ski”

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To snowboard or to ski? thought Pablo. Blurtso’s wetcat mctwist is wicked epic, but Bonny’s telemark turn is beautiful… visor beanies are sick, but my Jean Claude Killy is classic… there’s nothing like the glide of sticks, but gapping a blinger is phat nasty. There must be some way to decide. Pablo! called Bonny from the ski shop. Coming! said Pablo, rushing to join her.

“Blurtso longs for Lizzy” (I)

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I suppose many people have sat and wondered, over the years, about a loved one who was not there. A father, mother, son, daughter, husband, or wife. I suppose they woke up every morning and went to bed every night with a hole in their heart. With an empty space they carried around, pressing through the day with only half of themselves still there. I suppose that’s the most common way to go through life.