Pablo told me juicing is great for your health… let’s see… five slices of pumpkin, four shakes of cinnamon, a pinch of nutmeg, a nub of ginger, a spoon of brown sugar, eight graham crackers, a stick of butter…
Category: Food and pumpkin pies
“Blurtso outsmarts the devil”
Hello, said Blurtso. Hello, said the devil. Come in, said Blurtso. Thank you, said the devil. I wasn’t sure you’d come, said Blurtso. I wasn’t sure you’d be here, said the devil. Here I am, said Blurtso. And I, said the devil. The bet is, said Blurtso, to see who can eat the most pumpkin pies. Yes, said the devil. And if I win? said Blurtso. You will have an endless supply of pumpkin pies. And if I lose? said Blurtso. You will relinquish your soul. Very well, said Blurtso, shall we begin with the pie on the table? Yes, said the devil, that looks like a perfectly good pie. Would you like to go first? asked Blurtso. No, said the devil, I wouldn’t dream of it. Very well, said Blurtso, sitting down to the pie. Blurtso cut the pie, slowly, into six equal slices, then proceeded to eat them, one by one, relishing every pumpkin-filled bite. When he finished he licked the tin and pushed it toward the devil. That’s enough for me, said Blurtso. Only one? said the devil, that’s no competition at all. Perhaps, said Blurtso. O.k., said the devil, now it’s my turn. Go ahead, said Blurtso. Where’s my pie? asked the devil. I’m sorry, said Blurtso, I ate the last one.
“Blurtso gets a gift”
I brought you a book, said Pablo. A book? said Blurtso. Yes, said Pablo, Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. Oh boy! said Blurtso. A Cookbook!
These are the longest recipes I’ve ever seen!
“Blurtso gets a check-up”
Hmm, said the doctor, the cuff won’t fit around your front leg…
… that’s better.
Turn your head and bray…
Great news, you’re as strong as a horse. Really?! said Blurtso. A horse?! Yes, said the doctor. However, I’m concerned about your teeth. They’ve become an alarming, pumpkin-orange color.
“Blurtso is what he eats”
I admire grass, thought Blurtso. It never gets discouraged. It keeps growing no matter how often they mow it down. And in a storm it just bends with the wind. It makes me happy to think… we are what we eat.
“Blurtso choreographs an idea” (II)
If I were you, said Blurtso, I’d walk right up to her and say,
“Keep your hands off my Häagen Dazs!”
“Ditto goes to school” (XXXII)
“Blah, blah, blah,” said the schoolmarm, “blah, blah, blah, blah.” This lesson is so boring, thought Ditto. I wonder how the schoolmarm gets her hair like that? It’s almost like a block of clay… or a wasps’ nest… or a bunch of cowpies stacked on top of each other and glued with construction paste… I like the smell of construction paste… but I don’t like the taste… I prefer the taste of alfalfa… that’s an interesting word… alfalfa.. three a’s… two l’s… and two f’s… hmm… it’s almost a palindrome… aflafla… I wonder if it tastes just as good when it’s spelled backwards… or when you eat it upside down…
“Blurtso defines satisfaction”
Satisfaction is what you recognize when you emerge
from total engagement in a passionate endeavor…
“Blurtso gets honked off the road”
Honk!… Honk!… Honk!…
Get off the f!@#%!g road you stupid donkey!
Hmmm, thought Blurtso, that person is sure in a hurry.
He must be out of pumpkin pie.
“Blurtso pays it forward”
I have spent my life eating things that are alive or were once alive. I sure hope whatever I become food for… enjoys eating me as much as I have enjoyed eating.