Category: Weohryant university

“Weohryant University” (XI) – What 101

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Welcome, said Blurtso, to “What 101.” The question for today’s class is: “What’s that smell?”
What’s that smell? said Glouster.
I didn’t do it, said Emma Lou.
I don’t smell anything, said Frank.
I do, said Morton.
So do I, said Chelsea, it smells like jasmine.
It also smells like pumpernickel, said Morton, or a field of wheat before it rains.
Yes, said Chelsea, or a riverbed of Alabama clay.
I don’t smell anything, said Frank.
You can’t trust your senses, said Glouster, everyone has a different sense of smell.
That’s what the Upanishads say, said Emma Lou.
The Upanishads? said Morton.
Yes, said Emma Lou, the Upanishads say that the world perceived by the senses is maya.
Maya? said Chelsea.
Yes, said Emma Lou, separate smells and sights and things only exist as the condition of perception. They are an illusion. At the subatomic level they dissolve into a flux of energy.
Does an odor exist, said Frank, if you can’t smell it?
Does an odor exist, said Emma Lou, if you can smell it?
Maybe, said Glouster, we should consult Avery Gilbert’s book, The Science of Scent in Everyday Life. Or Patrick Suskind’s novel, Perfume.
Perfume? said Morton.
Yes, said Glouster, a novel about the emotional meanings that scents carry. The protagonist is a perfume-maker in 18th century France.
I love perfume, said Chelsea.
I can’t smell perfume, said Frank.
There’s another novel about smell, said Glouster, in which a man takes a bite of a cookie that makes him remember his childhood and the life he’s lived.
What’s it called? said Emma Lou.
Á la recherche du temps perdu, said Glouster, by Marcel Proust.
What kind of cookie does he eat? said Morton.
A Madeleine, said Glouster.
What’s a Madeleine? said Morton.
A Madeleine, said Glouster, is a buttery sponge cake.
I love sponge cake! said Chelsea. Why can’t we read a book about sponge cake instead of the Bible and the Quran and the Upanishads?
There’s a donkey in the Bible, said Morton.
There is? said Chelsea.
Yes, said Morton, Jesus entered Jerusalem on a donkey.
There are donkeys in the Quran too, said Glouster.
There are? said Chelsea.
I still don’t smell anything, said Frank.
I do, said Chelsea, it smells like something sweet.
Maybe Bonny is baking a pie! said Morton.
No, said Glouster, that’s only on Thursdays.
If we can’t trust our senses, said Chelsea, what can we trust?
“To smell,” said Glouster, is “to perceive the scent of something by means of the olfactory nerves.”
Isn’t that circular, said Emma Lou, to say, “to smell is to perceive scent”? It doesn’t explain anything.
If you smell something before you eat it, said Morton, it gives you an idea of what it’s going to taste like.
Sponge cake smells sweet, said Chelsea.
So do chocolate chip cookies, said Morton.
I’ve never had a chocolate chip cookie, said Frank. What do they taste like?
It’s hard to describe, said Morton, to someone who has never tried one.
“To taste,” said Glouster, is “to ascertain the flavor of something by taking a little into the mouth.”
That doesn’t tell me what it tastes like, said Frank. Does it taste like a worm?
A worm? said Morton. I don’t know, I’ve never tasted a worm.
Does everything, said Chelsea, taste different to everyone?
That’s a good question, said Frank.
Did anyone bring cookies? said Morton.
“The senses,” said Glouster, are “the physiological capacities of organisms that provide data for perception.”
Data for perception? said Frank. Does that mean we don’t actually perceive things themselves, we only perceive data?
Every time I perceive the data called smoke, said Morton, it reminds me of when I was tethered in a barn and the barn caught fire and someone rushed in to save me before I was burned alive.
That must have been terrifying! said Emma Lou.
Every time I perceive the data called smoke, said Chelsea, it reminds me of roasted chestnuts on the Mass. Ave Bridge.
“Harvard Bridge?” said Morton.
Yes, said Chelsea, in December.
From a man in a green overcoat? said Morton.
Yes, said Chelsea, and on Saturdays he brings his daughter.
Those are excellent chestnuts, said Morton.
But you can’t eat them at once, said Chelsea, because they’re too hot, so you have to wait, but you can’t wait, so you eat them and they burn your tongue.
The data burns your tongue, said Morton.
When I perceive the data called smoke, said Frank, I fly in the opposite direction.
I dive underwater, said Glouster.
Really? said Chelsea. I wish I could swim.
You can’t swim? said Glouster.
No, said Chelsea, I don’t think so.
It’s easy, said Glouster, you just paddle around, and then dive down when you see something to eat.
Like what? said Chelsea.
Like a fish, said Glouster.
I couldn’t catch a fish, said Morton.
Neither could I, said Chelsea.
Some animals are not fishers, said Frank.
The Apostles of Jesus, said Glouster, were fishers of men.
Fishers of men? said Emma Lou.
Yes, said Glouster, they used the holy word of God to entice people to open their hearts and love their neighbors.
Just like in the Upanishads, said Emma Lou.
Is that in the Bible? said Chelsea. I’ve been reading the Mahabharata. It starts with a story about a girl who is turned into a fish. And then she has children that smell like fish.
Even I can smell a fish, said Frank.
Then a wise man called a “rishi”, said Chelsea, becomes obsessed with the girl’s smell and makes love to her.
I don’t like the smell of fish, said Morton.
What smells bad for one person, said Emma Lou, smells good for another.
Fish must like the smell of fish, said Chelsea.
They sure do taste good, said Glouster.
Yes, said Frank, especially when they’ve been baking in the sun for a while, on the side of the road, or in a ditch near a field.
I’m sorry to interrupt, said Blurtso, but we’re out of time. I hope you enjoyed the first day of class. Thank you for your interesting comments and questions.
Thank you, said Emma Lou, you’re an excellent teacher.

“Weohryant University” (X)

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The texts, said Bonny, that you will read this semester are: The Upanishads, The Bhagavad Gita, The Ramayana, The Mahabharata, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Bible, The Tao Te Ching, The Writings of Confucius, The Emerald Tablet, and The Quran. Feel free to read them in any order you choose, and don’t hesitate to ask questions.

“Weohryant University” (IX)

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Teaching is a tremendous responsibility, said Blurtso. Yes it is, said Harlan. What if I’m no good at it? said Blurtso. You’ll be fine, said Harlan. What if my students ask questions I can’t answer? Then tell them you don’t know, said Harlan. Can I do that? said Blurtso. Of course, said Harlan. I thought a teacher was supposed to know all the answers, said Blurtso. No, said Harlan, a teacher is supposed to know the questions. The questions? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, the questions are more important than the answers. They are? said Blurtso. Certainly, said Harlan. Why? said Blurtso. Because many questions, said Harlan, have many answers, and others have no answer at all. So all I have to do is ask questions? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan. What kind of questions? Good questions, said Harlan, questions that make your students consider things they’ve never considered. How do I do that? said Blurtso. It’s easy, said Harlan, just do what you’re doing right now. What I’m doing right now? said Blurtso. Yes, said Harlan, asking questions.

“Weohryant University” (VIII)

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Welcome, said Harlan, to the “Class of 2020” first-year orientation at Weohryant University. It is my pleasure to introduce the Weohryant faculty who will be facilitating your education for the next four years. To my left is the co-founder of our college, Dr. Blurtso Lundif. Mr. Lundif will be teaching What-101 every Monday in his barn from noon until dusk. To my right is Ms. Bonny Bray. Bonny will be your guide through the “Masterpieces of World Literature” reading list. She will be available on Thursdays during the day, and will serve home-made pumpkin pie that same evening here in the main house. To Bonny’s right is Pablo the Gardener. Mr. Gardener will be teaching When-101 on Tuesdays from sunrise until noon at the Clippety Clop Animal Refuge and Co-Op. And I, said Harlan, am Dr. Harlan de Borneo. I will be guiding your journey through Where-101 every Wednesday on the Boston Common from sometime after breakfast until sometime before lunch. Finally, my colleagues and I would like to wish you all a hearty welcome to the maiden voyage of Weohryant University, and congratulate you for being selected as the inaugural class of this revered institution.

“Weohryant University” (VII)

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We had over three thousand applications to our university, said Harlan. Three thousand! said Blurtso, what will be the criteria for getting in? I think we should choose the first six, said Harlan. “First come, first serve,” said Blurtso, is an excellent criterion.

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“Weohryant University” (V)

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What’s that? said Alex. It’s a reading list Bonny prepared for Harlan and my university. What’s on it? said Alex. Lots of things I’ve never heard of, said Blurtso. Read it to me, said Alex. It’s very long, said Blurtso. That’s all right, said Alex. O.k., said Blurtso, it says:

First Year – Fall Semester:
The Upanishads, The Bhagavad Gita, The Ramayana, The Mahabharata, The Epic of Gilgamesh, The Bible, The Tao Te Ching, The Writings of Confucius, The Emerald Tablet, The Quran

First Year – Spring Semester:
The Odyssey, “Oedipus Rex,” “Iphigenia at Aulis,” Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes by Edith Hamilton, Early Greek Philosophy, The Metamorphoses of Ovid, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, 1001 Nights

Second Year – Fall Semester:
The Poetry of Yongshu, The Poetry of Du Fu, The Poetry of Li Qingzhao, The Divine Comedy, The Decameron, The Poetry of Petrarch, Machiavelli’s The Prince, Njal’s Saga, The Canterbury Tales, The Masnavi of Rumi

Second Year – Spring Semester:
“King Lear,” “Hamlet,” “Macbeth,” “Romeo and Juliet,” The Poetry of Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz, Don Quixote, Tartuffe, Gardner’s Art Through the Ages, The Biography of Benjamin Franklin, The Farmer’s Almanac, Jean Jacques Rousseau’s Discourse on the Origin of Inequality

Third Year – Fall Semester:
Selected Poems of Wordsworth, Shelley and Keats, Vanity Fair, Pride and Prejudice, The Poetry and Prose of Edgar Allan Poe, Les Fleurs du Mal, The Origin of Species, Crime and Punishment, Notes from the Underground, Huckleberry Finn, Leaves of Grass, Goethe’s Faust

Third Year – Spring Semester:
Les Misérables, Moby Dick, Walden, The Doll’s House, The Poetry and Prose of José Martí, Selected Poems of Rubén Darío, Selected Poetry of William Butler Yeats, Poemas Humanos of César Vallejo, The Poems of T.S. Elliot, “The Penal Colony” by Franz Kafka

Fourth Year – Fall Semester:
Einstein’s Universe by Nigel Calder, Mein Kampf, The Stories of Jorge Luis Borges, The Heart of Darkness, Waiting for Godot, No Exit, 1984, Animal Farm, Selected Poems of Pablo Neruda, Man, Woman, and Nature by Alan Watts

Fourth Year – Spring Semester:
The Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast, Giovanni’s Room, Slaughterhouse Five, The Power of Myth by Joseph Campbell, One Hundred Years of Solitude, Things Fall Apart, The Adventures of Captain Harvey, Blurtseau Lundif – Corsaire Extraordinaire, The Poems of Blurtso Lundif.

That’s a good list, said Alex, but I would add one more. What’s that? said Blurtso. The Baseball Encyclopedia, said Alex.

“Weohryant University” (IV)

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A university? said Pablo. Yes, said Blurtso, and we need another professor. What would I teach? said Pablo. You’d teach Where-101. Is that, said Pablo, a class about gardening? It can be, said Blurtso, as long as the questions begin with “where.” How many days does it meet? said Pablo. Once a week, said Blurtso. O.k., said Pablo. And what about me? said Bonny. What would you like to teach? said Blurtso. I don’t know, said Bonny, maybe a reading class. Reading? said Blurtso. Yes, said Bonny, what are your students going to read? Nothing, said Blurtso, we’re just going to talk. If your students read something, said Bonny, the discussions will be more interesting. You may be right, said Blurtso, what do you suggest? I’ll prepare a list of great books, said Bonny, and get them from the library. Great! said Blurtso.

“Weohryant University” (III)

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What about the curriculum? said Blurtso. I think we should offer one class per year in each of the six subjects. I agree, said Blurtso, in the fall we can offer What-101, Where-101, and Who-101, and in the spring we can offer How-101, When-101, and Why-101. How many classes do you want to teach? said Harlan. One per semester, said Blurtso. Me too, said Harlan. Maybe we could get Pablo to teach a class, said Blurtso. That would be perfect, said Harlan. Great, said Blurtso, I’ll see if he’s interested.