By Alan Davison

Alan Davison is a professor of literature and language at Westminster College in Salt Lake City.

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (VII)

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Hello chicken, said Blurtso. Where did you come from…? You need a place to stay? Of course you can stay. My parking space is your parking space.

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Goodness! thought Blurtso. Look at all these chickens!

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (VI)

I’m sorry, said the policeman, but the city has made a ruling on your case. My case? said Blurtso. Yes, said the policeman. The city has decided you’ve got to put coins in the meter. Coins? said Blurtso. How am I going to get coins?

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“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (V)

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Well, my garden is growing, but I haven’t seen Mister Ed. Maybe I can find him if I think like a horse… Let’s see… you can lead a horse to water….

… if there’s a mare on the beach.
… but he probably won’t snorkel.
… but you’ll have to bait his hook.
… if it’s next to a brewery.
… if it’s nowhere near MacDonald’s.
… if there’s a urinal nearby.
… if the Wi-Fi is free.
… until his wife gets home.

Hmmm… I’m not sure that helps.

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (IV)

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I wonder if I should search for Mister Ed? thought Blurtso. Where would I look? Sooner or later he’s bound to come by here. Maybe I should plant a garden? The grass is really growing with the additional fertilizer. What should I plant? Pumpkins, of course, and carrots, tomatoes, and corn… and maybe an apple tree. Yes, an apple tree would be splendid. I wonder what Mister Ed plants in his garden?

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (III)

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Ahhhh, thought Blurtso, drinking the water the sprinklers had left in the gutter. What a lovely morning! Let’s see… what shall I have for breakfast? The grass looks tasty. Mmmm, juicy and fresh, and a little bit spicey! Hello officer, said Blurtso when his friend walked by. Hello Blurtso, said the policeman. Have a nice day! said Blurtso. You too! said the officer. And as the day passed, Blurtso became more and more enamored of his space, chatting with the people, watching the cars, and enjoying the grass beneath his nose. This place has everything! thought Blurtso, settling down for the night. Fresh water, green grass, friendly people… and warm pavement to sleep on. No wonder people love California!

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (II)

Wow! thought Blurtso. Hollywood! I can hardly wait to see Mr. Ed! I wonder where he is? Let’s see… the sun is setting, so I think I’ll try Sunset Boulevard. And off he went, up and down the street, clippety cloppeting, cloppety clippeting, forth and back and back and forth, looking for Mister Ed. I’m tired, said Blurtso after several hours of searching. I think I’ll take a nap.

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Hello, said a policeman. Hello, said Blurtso. May I ask what you’re doing? I’m napping on the grass, said Blurtso. It’s against the law to nap on the grass. Really? said Blurtso. Really, said the officer. O.k., said Blurtso, I’ll find another place. And off he went, up and down the street, clippety cloppeting, cloppety clippeting, forth and back and back and forth, looking for a new place to nap. Eventually he returned to where he started. Hmmm, he thought, watching the cars arrive, park, and drive away… I know what I’ll do! I’ll nap in the street! And when the next parking space opened, Blurtso grabbed it. Ahhhh, that’s just perfect, he thought, resting his street-heavy hooves.

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Hello, said the policeman. Hello, said Blurtso. May I ask what you’re doing? I’m napping in my parking space, said Blurtso. Your parking space? said the officer. Yes, said Blurtso. But you haven’t put any money in the meter. Money?said Blurtso. Yes, said the officer, $5.00 per hour per vehicle. Am I a vehicle? said Blurtso. No, said the officer, I suppose not. So I can stay? said Blurtso. Yes, said the officer, I suppose so. Thank you, said Blurtso. You’re welcome, said the officer. And so it was, after four days on the train and another day in the hills of Hollywood, that Blurtso lay down in his parking space and slipped, as the sun set slowly on West Sunset Boulevard, into a deep and dreamless sleep.

“Blurtso goes to Hollywood” (I)

“A horse is a horse, of course of course, and this one will talk ‘til his voice is hoarse. You’ve never heard of a talking horse? Well, listen to Mister Ed.”

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I sure would like to meet Mister Ed, thought Blurtso. Maybe I should take a trip to Hollywood…

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“Third boxcar, midnight train, heading west from Bangor, Maine. Grey donkey with worn-out hooves, I don’t pay for a thing I use, I’m a burro of means by no means, king of the road…”

“Blurtso tells time”

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Hey, thought Blurtso, my ears cast a shadow, like the shadow of a sundial, moving around the lawn… It’s a quarter to three. I guess the poet was right, we are made of time.

“Blurtso enjoys the suspense”

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Sitting in the woods can be suspenseful, said Blurtso. Suspenseful? said Pablo. Yes, said Blurtso, as if something is about to happen. What do you expect to happen? said Pablo. I don’t know, said Blurtso, it’s as if the continual sound of the creek, the breeze on the ears, the deep alterations of light and dark, are all waiting for something… maybe a change in the wind or a change in the sky, a sudden downpour or wild animal, maybe a cougar come to drink at the stream… something dramatic is going to happen. COME AND GET IT!!! called Bonny from the cabin. FRESH SCONES AND PUMPKIN PIE!!!

“Weohryant University” (XXXVI)

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       What are you going to do? said Morton.
Me? said Chelsea. I’ve got a million things to do.